Christmas is a time of year where we pull our nearest and dearest close to us. But it is also a time of year that the gaps in our lives, and particularly our romantic lives, may become more apparent.
For the festive season, we quickly become wrapped in the busy periods of shopping, seeing loved ones, festive parties and indulging where we normally wouldn’t. However this could be a time of the year we take a step back and revaluate and reflect on what we have achieved in our relationship goals, and of course what we are looking to achieve for our future.
Reflection; Ask yourself the right questions
Take a moment today to reflect. It is easy to forget about your dating experiences, the patterns noticeable in your past relationships and the dating faux pas that keep reoccurring. We can also get carried away with looking for the ‘perfect person’, discounting individuals based on small aspects such as their height, hair colour or star sign, but instead should be considering looking for the ‘perfect relationship’ – a relationships where you are understanding of one another, having the same levels of compassion and valuing their needs and happiness as much as your own, receiving care and intimacy, sharing thoughts and sharing common interests with each other.
Reflection will help you regroup and enable you to understand what is truly important for finding love moving in to the New Year. By asking yourself the following questions, you will allow yourself time to reflect on your relationship history and its future;
1. Who is my relationship role model?
2. What type of relationship do they have?
3. What issues do I think they have overcome together?
4. How do I think they have done this?
5. What is my idea of the perfect relationship for me?
6. Where do my ideas of the perfect relationship stem from?
1. What similarities in my past relationships has there been?
2. What differences can be seen in my past relationships?
3. Can I see emerging patterns in types of people I date or I am attracted to?
4. Do I have reoccurring ideas that dominate my relationships or end my relationships?
5. Do I act the same way when issues arise in my relationships?
1. Am I happy in myself?
2. What are the top three things that are important to my life?
3. Do I have a good work life balance to allow for a committed relationship?
4. Am I willing to put the time and effort into meeting someone new?
5. Why do I think that I haven’t found this relationship so far?
6. What changes do I need to make to myself to be the best partner?
1. What am I actually doing to pro-actively find the love I hope for?
2. Am I ready to accept a person into my life?
3. What do I want from a relationship?
4. What would my ideal relationship be like?
5. What are deal breakers for me in a relationship?
By being open with yourself will help you recognise and acknowledge the areas in your romantic life that may need more work for the New Year. This honesty will often cause ambivalence on if we should move forward with certain relationships, if we are looking for the right type of relationship or if we need new goals or our expectations of others, realigned. Change is uncomfortable and often we find ourselves falling into old habits or discounting people based on trivial aspects. However, remember that acknowledgment of where change is needed is the first step to creating a plan moving forward.
Sometimes acting as our own life coach can be tricky as our self-talk may not reflect what is best for us. In this case it might be useful for us to chat to a third party – a life coach/relationship coach who can help to achieve the change needed to help you fulfil your relationship goals. After all, there is no progress without change.