A recent Seventy Thirty survey surprised us when we heard that virtually everyone had heard of life coaching but had different opinions about what it actually is and who is it for.  This problem is perhaps compounded by the myriad of different life coaching services advertised in what is currently an unregulated industry. Therefore, we thought it might be useful to clarify what life coaching is all about and who exactly is it for from the perspective of trained coaching psychologists.

TRUE OR FALSE?

1. Life coaching is like counselling  - FALSE!

Using a coaching psychologist is most definitely not the same as seeing a counsellor. A counsellor is someone that helps people who are struggling with issues from their past that are unresolved and very deep rooted and /or who works with those with mental health needs.  A coach works with people who are healthy and well, yet feel there is room to grow as an individual and enhance their life further. It is for people who want to be more successful and for those that already are.

2. Coaching takes too much time – FALSE!

Coaching is the opposite of counselling in this respect too. Even if you are working with a psychologist, at no point will you discuss your childhood or parental relationships in great details or for any great length of time.  The aim of coaching is to set goals, to identify actions which will help you to achieve those goals and achieve results over a short period of time. The focus is on celebrating achievement and on learning tools that you can take away which will help you to stay on track to achieving your goals even when the coaching is over. Coaching is forward focused and acts as a catalyst to important life changes.

3. Coaching is only for people who are struggling – FALSE!

Are you exactly where you want to be? Are you living the life you want to live? Can you honestly say that you feel there is no room for more success, adjustment, improvement or more balance in your life?  Contrary to what people may assume; those that answer ‘no’ to these questions, are not the unhappy ones: they are the fortunate, the ones who aim to experience as rich a life as is feasible whilst they are on this planet. Those that want to experience and live their own definition of the perfect life and aspire towards this are exactly the kind of individuals who would benefit from life coaching. Generally speaking, people that have life coaches are successful men and woman who understand that to flourish and be truly happy you need to keep growing and evolve your vision of a great life.

4. Coaching is about talking rather than doing – FALSE!

This is not true either, your life coach wants you to move towards and become ideal self. A great deal of life coaching is practical and task-orientated and is focused on doing and being rather than just discussing. Of course, coaching is more than just knowing that there is more you want from life, coaching is about being ready to make and take the steps toward getting what you want, even if you do not yet know what the steps are. A good coach, with a strong background of expertise relevant to you, will work with you to identify your ideal self and the steps you need to take to become that, giving clarity to your vision and a route towards your goals.

5. Anyone can be a life coach – TRUE (Sadly)!

Yes, anyone can currently call themselves a coach but they would find it extremely hard to be an effective coach without an in depth knowledge of coaching and psychology.  (With a few exceptions, such as strategic business coaching, a very well experienced and successful businessman could make an effective mentor / coach with some conversion training). A well-rounded coach should be able to deal with a broad range of scenarios effectively and have access to a wide range of relevant tools; in-depth psychology and coaching training is extremely effective and reassuring.  Some coaching psychologists, including those at Seventy Thirty, also use a further branch of psychology called NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and I’ll tell you all about that in our next newsletter!

So, I’ll ask you this… TRUE OR FALSE… You could benefit from life coaching?

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Each and every single day, we could benefit in some way by applying psychology to different situations, even if unconsciously. The amount of psychology that can be used in our day to day lives is somewhat overwhelming, from family and friendships, work and people, relationships and intimacy, psychology has a place. Here are just a few tips on how you can benefit from using psychology in your every day life.

Deal With Sensitive People More Effectively
Almost every day we come across sensitive people and don’t handle them as well as we could. For example, when working with a sensitive person, you should avoid the use of negative language.  Rather than telling your client “not to worry”, change it to “stay calm, everything is under control”. The use of negative words can lead to that individual feeling more upset, making your job more difficult. Did you know that when we hear a sentence, we process the adjective or noun prior to the conjunctive word?  For example, if I were to ask you to not think about a white bear, what do you find yourself thinking about? A white bear of course! When telling a client “not to worry” the first word they will process is the word “worry”, and the word “not” will come last, when the worrying has already kicked in.

Identify Stressors & How To Cope With Them
Whilst small doses of stress can be good for us, long term stress can be harmful and lead to ill health. The main stressors in life can be identified as those which we feel we have little or not enough control over. Psychologists have observed a more intense emotional and physiological reaction from those who feel a problem is out of their hands.

When faced with situations where we feel that we are losing control, the best option is to adopt an appropriate, results focused, coping strategy. For example, you may be experiencing difficulties introducing your children to your new partner and feel your children’s emotional reaction will be out of your hands. A way to overcome this would be to take a proactive approach. Seek advice from people who have been in similar situations, ask how they handled it. If you do not know anyone who has been in this situation before, speak to an expert or wise friend or try easing your children in to it. Ask your children how they would feel about it, tell the children about your partner before introducing them. Also, make sure that you spend as much time with your children as possible so that they do not feel that your new partner is taking you away from them.

Unfortunately we cannot always take control of every situation, for example the death of a loved one.  The most we can do is find ways to cope with the emotions that we are experiencing. During times like these it may be helpful to surround yourself with family and friends and a good support network, even if you do not want to talk about what has happened, having someone nearby can be a source of comfort.

Maximise Your Support Network
Have you ever wondered why people are often so protective of their family? Even when relationships between family members become somewhat strained, during difficult times they often come together to help and protect each other in any way they can. According to evolutionary psychologists, we are protective of family members (in many instances regardless of the situation) because kin selection enables us to look after a common gene pool. This has been used to explain a variety of altruistic behaviours and also to explain why a high percentage of friendships break down as a result of one party making a judgement of the other’s family or family members (such as their children).  Capitalise on the natural support network of your family who, in many instances, are already motivated to look after your interests.

Find A Fulfilling Relationship
Choosing to commit to a life long partner can be a difficult one. Evolutionary psychologists have suggested that, when selecting partners, men and women look for different qualities, particularly physical qualities. However, we are more than just biological vehicles for our genes and much more complicated. Understanding psychology helps us to understand the broader picture too; background, value systems, relationship goals and lifestyle goals are factors that can move beyond the chemistry, to longevity in a relationship.

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We’re all aware that these are tough old times, and this autumn is going to see many people changing their jobs and the way that they work. I thought I would therefore give you some hints and tips about dressing for success.

Stand Out From The Crowd
There is no doubt that if you adopt an old-fashioned look, your interviewers, bosses, clients and colleagues will assume that you think in an old fashioned way. If you want to demonstrate that you will bring new and fresh concepts to their business, your dress has to reflect that.

So, you should want to stand out, and one way to do this is not look like everyone else (in a good way of course, not a bizarre way!). I recommend that, for an important appointment, women should opt for either a dress or a dress and jacket. Avoid trousers. Steer clear of black and brown, and opt instead for blue or greys. Pinstripes or fleck fabrics are fine, but probably not a check. Men should adopt the same criteria for keeping up-to-date. This means a slimmer cut of suit, which is where fashion is right now. And do ensure that your shirt is not just new but also well fitted.

Women should accessorise carefully. Go for a modern pair of shoes with a slightly rounded toe and kitten heels rather than a court with a wedge or blocked heel, and wear a 20 denier tight in a colour that compliments your outfit. Keep your jewellery simple but discreet

Coats For Women
Coat collars can be an issue for women with a good frontage. Look for single rather than double-breasted, either zipped or buttoned, and choose a large lapel; though not overpowering, and some shape below the bust-line.  Anthropologie has been around for more than a year in the UK now and has some delightful offerings that won’t break the bank. I like the Tyndall coat in a beige flecked tweed, with a removable flush collar in faux fur, elegant details and, bracelet-length sleeves. It’s just £198. I think that a three-quarter sleeve is always flattering, allowing you to wear longer gloves or show off a longer sleeved jumper. Anthropologie also has a French bustle jacket at £158, in a soft black boucle with a ruffled neckline. Charming.  Cape coats are big news. Try Zara or, my favourite, a wool cape from Diana von Furstenberg in a wonderful shade of olive. It’s a great classic piece, with a slight military feel, at £365, perfect for wearing with narrow shirts or slim trousers.

Trend Watch: Khaki & Camel
As I have been keen on khaki and camel for this autumn... I can report that Ferragamo’s spring/summer 2011 show displayed many neutral tones of camel, khaki and tones of burnt orange, which signals a continuation of muted tones that are all around the shops at present and I must say are a refreshing alternative to black and brown. The Ferragamo collection featured smocked dresses, masculine suiting and safari-style jackets. The real uplift was evening wear which was a riot of colour including an electric blue organza gown that closed the show.

Ladies: Luscious Lips
Lastly, my thoughts on lipsticks versus gloss. I’m greatly in favour of coloured glosses, which I think makes women look younger. They are an easy way to take off ten years but do ensure that they are not iridescent. My choices would be from Chanel, Nars or Laura Mercier. Of course, glosses have impact rather than longevity. Slick them on just before you go into the big meeting or for a meal. If you want to make them last longer, use a matching lip pencil all over your lips first, use your finger to blot so there are no hard lines, then gloss. And remember, if you have a large mouth, you choose a lighter colour and if you have a smaller mouth, avoid dark tones and go for brighter tones instead.

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• What’s News
• Defining Life Coaching
• Every Day Psychology Top Tips
• Style & Fashion Report – Autumn 2010