China's matchmaker

The Chinese Weekly

The Chinese Weekly

Our clients in China are the social elite.  They are very successful, international, intelligent and wealthy – those who have a broad perspective, being enthusiastic and enjoy their lives, have achieved well and want to further enhance their unique life experiences with an exceptional life partner. 

How to Keep Your Relationship Alive

When you first met your lover it is likely that you couldn’t get enough of each other. You spent all your free time together and if not together, you were probably thinking about one another – this is known as the Romance Stage. When you progress past this stage to a stage of more mature love, you experience a time of comfort, deeper intimacy, security and stability. Here you are settled, secure and loved and for a while you are content and satisfied. However, it may happen that you begin to look back and miss those intense, romantic and passionate experiences when you and your partner first met and started to build the foundations of your relationship. It does not need to be the case that these were last flushes of passion, romance and intensity between you both as evidence suggests that it is a combination of both passionate and companionate love, which is vital to keeping your relationship alive and successful.

Where did the passion go?

“My husband and I first met through an exclusive matchmaking agency. Being from London, the romance of dating in New York gripped me. We fell in love amongst the Christmas lights and the festive shoppers soon after the agency made the introduction, a move script writer couldn’t have written it better. Looking back, it seems like a lifetime ago, we love each other very much but I miss the passion and excitement we had at the beginning.”

Seventy Thirty Member

When you and your lover first met, just being in each other’s company made you feel amazing and alive. At the biological level, the mere presence of your partner set off a chain of chemical reactions, most notably the rapid production of the hormone ‘oxytocin’, which is known as “the love hormone”.  The production of oxytocin is a natural response to the experience, or even thought of, a pleasurable experience, such as being around your lover. Oxytocin therefore acts as a reinforcer, encouraging us to spend more time with our lover which is essential in the early stages of connection and bond formation. It is these connections which enable us to create concreate foundations to support our relationships through the latter stages.

At the psychological level, Self-expansion Theory (Sheets, 2013) and Self-expansion Model (2008) maintains that relationships enable self-growth and increase their sense of self. At the beginning of a relationship, passion for one another is generated as a consequence of each partner’s drive for self-expansion. This is achieved through continuously learning new information about their partner, sharing new experiences together and engaging in activities together which improves relationship satisfaction. This drive for self-expansion thus leads to an intense longing for your partner, euphoria when they reciprocate your attraction, and a preoccupation of your thoughts; in other words passionate love.  However, over time there are less opportunities for self-expansion, less self-development created from their partner which results in a dip in passion being felt. This usually coincides with a reduction of the hormone oxytocin being produced. However, all is not lost, you can get the passion back!

Regaining Passion

Scientific evidence has suggested that if self-expansion within a relationship can be sustained then passionate love can also be sustained. So here are some ways that you can ensure that there are plenty of opportunities for self-expansion and therefore lots of relationship enhancing passionate love:

Quality Time: Set aside quality time to spend with your partner where there are no distractions competing for your attention e.g. date nights. This will give you the opportunity to truly be in the moment with your partner, thus enabling you to learn new things about them (e.g. how their day was, their thoughts on the meal you’re enjoying)- i.e. providing opportunities for self-expansion.

Value and appreciation: Spend time alone and recognise what you appreciate your partner for. Show your partner that you value them and appreciate them and what they bring to your life. This can be communicated verbally and non-verbally - remember actions often speak louder than words! This will surely then be reciprocated making you both more excited to be around one another.

Spontaneity: Being spontaneous and surprising your partner with gifts, notes or gestures of love can bring novelty and excitement back into your relationship. Try leaving them a love note on the fridge or a sexy voicemail letting them know you’re thinking of them.

Engage in new activities together and alone: Studies show that engaging in new activities together, which create laughter and levels of adrenaline increate prediction rate of passionate love and, subsequently satisfaction within the relationship. With this in mind be creative in your adventures. Although you would presume activities must be engaged in together, excitement on activities participated in alone will further support self-development within the Self-Expansion Theory and will be reflected into the relationship creating a deeper sense of passionate love.

Make exciting plans for the future: For example, plan your dream holiday or short break just for you two. Even if the circumstances aren’t right to actually get away at the moment, just going through brochures, talking about what you would love to do and what enthuses will likely excite and inspire you both.

It is evident that to keep a relationship alive, Psychologists agree that it is vital to retain a sense of self and develop that sense of self to allow the relationship to continue to grow and thrive.

Exclusive matchmaking China and exclusive matchmaking Hong Kong- Seventy Thirty featured in Chinese magazine

Exclusive International Matchmaking company Seventy Thirty, collaborates with Our Asian Matchmaking Consultant, discusses the honour of being the first international matchmaking agency to enter successfully into the Chinese Matchmaking, and Hong Kong matchmaking market

A History of Dating…

From Antiquity to the modern day, dating has established itself as a ritual which we have long considered as the precursor to assessing the suitability of a potential life partner. Over time, our contemporary concept of dating has evolved so drastically that many of the habitual practises once associated with the idea appear rather outdated and most definitely peculiar.

From an evolutionary perspective, the notion of ‘dating’, i.e. courtship or wooing is actually a relatively recent phenomenon. Anthropological studies suggest that in the past - and also in some cultures today - this concept was neglected or disregarded completely; the focus was on sexual reproduction to produce a genetically viable offspring, therefore strengthening the family lineage.  From a historical standpoint, dating was existent only to the extent to which a couple-to-be was first introduced before, or at, their wedding ceremony…If you were one of the fortunate ones.

In past Western society, romance and love had a somewhat turbulent relationship with the institute of matrimony.  According to ancient manuscripts from as far back as pre-Renaissance, the heart’s desire was outweighed by legacy, survival, power, politics and resources. Couples over the epochs, both fictional and non-fictional were not always attracted to those whom they were betrothed to, which might have lead to secret, romantically frenzied encounters by twilight. This however, does not constitute as ‘dating’…

According to research, the first decade of the twentieth century saw the beginning of our modern interpretation of ‘dating’. During this time, it was very common for older male relatives and families with daughters, to use their networks or involve Matchmakers to find potential suitors.  Dates were then arranged with permission of the parents and in the presence of an all-divulging chaperone. The goal being to get married and the result - inevitably to procreate. The couple was seldom left unaccompanied, rendering any desire of intimacy or carnal exchange virtually obsolete.  Since the lower socio-economic bracket were unable to dedicate the assets and resources to impressing suitors in their less-than-stately dwellings, it became ceremonious to leave the protection of the home to go out to spend time together, thus, it become known to go on a ‘date’.

During this era and often in many cultures around the world today, this arrangement would most likely consequence in marriage. Over the progression of the century, the youth of the age began to grow resentful of the strict, orthodox manner of ‘dating’ imposed by their forbearers. Deciding to take a more proactive approach and selecting by themselves, rebellion was rife in the Roaring Twenties. Evidently, all that was banned - was good; forbidding sexual encounters and intoxication, prohibition resulted in the first explosion of freedom for the modern West to enjoy liberation from the shackles of chaperoned dating to acting as wildly as they wanted, shielded under the backdrop of underground speakeasies.

Fast forward a few decades and through several oscillating schools of thought of what defined dating…From the 1950s and its traditional and triumphant ‘nuclear family’ ideals to the 1960s and the fluid concept of free-love, polygamous ‘relationships’ and drug-fuelled expression - the concept was really truly radicalised in the 1970s.

This time saw several inventions empowering both sexes: changing dating forever. With the introduction of birth control - oral contraceptive pills, the legalisation of abortion and active Women’s rights movements - sexual liberation for women was at an all-time high, obviously benefiting their male counterparts at the same time. Stimulating the awakening of dating without caution and exploring without concern, the shift in liaisons became evident: validating what some Sociologists deem the end of ‘dating’ as we once knew it and taking us into the taboo realm of ‘hook-ups’. The idea of ‘going-Dutch’ or halves on a date also became prevalent at this time, women wanted equality demonstrated.  No longer a trial period as a harbinger for marriage, casual dating (…and casual sex) became ‘normalised’. 

Not to say that people no longer wanted marriage, but attitudes and relationship roles were changing.  In our modern times, marriage has become less permanent and whilst wanting a long term commitment, men and women also value their independence, their own goals and ambitions and are willing to remain single until they find the right one.  Some, whilst searching, are open to fulfilling their physical and emotional desires in the short term.

We often hear nostalgic idioms recalling the lost art of dating or the clichéd chivalry is dead aphorism.  The modern single, will date and explore a larger number of potential partners than we did historically and the technological innovations of today make ‘connecting’ easier than ever before.  For some, this has resulted in a hot mess of trial and error, quantity over quality, some frustration and a few funny stories to tell our friends.          

It seems now, we are coming full circle.  With so many people finding it difficult to find the right one, we are seeking alternatives methods, which has given rise, once again, to Matchmaking.  Dating has evolved, because we have - we want more… We want it all.  So, no longer are we passively waiting for love to drop by, we are being proactive and going after what we want. 







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