Feeling the fright, don’t back out of love

You can be in a new relationship where all is going well - you are enjoying each other’s company, have common outlooks and values, and yet for some, there comes a time where you may consider ending it - sometimes for no reason at all. If you find yourself switching off and backing out of relationships, you may need to start asking yourself why that is. There may be instances where, for no good reason, you give up on a love that could have grown and developed in a healthy way into something special. You may be spooked by the prospect of a love you’d never imagined, or thought wouldn’t come true.

This is where a considered contemplation and evaluation of perceived red flags needs to be undertaken. Quite often we can over-exaggerate signs that we may deem as red flags and blow them out of proportion, leading to an otherwise unnecessary break down in a relationship. It is of course important to balance “imaginary” red flags with demonstrations of actual concerning behaviour. Its not to say that you should ignore worrying behaviour from a partner or potential partner, but rather to assess whether this behaviour is indeed an issue or whether you are using it as an excuse to cut ties and run away from potential happiness. 

Giving someone the benefit of the doubt can be one way you express compassion for your partner, depending on what it is they have done. For example, if your partner has had a particularly stressful day at work and comes home and verbally snaps at you, then perhaps standing back and understanding where this has come from can allow you to have a discussion or at least hash out the root of it. However, if your partner exhibits this behaviour frequently and without a triggering event, it might be time to review how you are being treated in the relationship and reassess. Again, taking the time to consider your relationship and the events that occur in it will help you from cutting and running. Often those who are frightened to love won’t take a moment to breathe and think, but simply work off a kneejerk reaction. This - which although can bring short term relief to that person - will merely bring about a cycle of long-term despair, resulting in loneliness and a sense of loss, thinking “what could have been?”. 

On the opposing side are those who stay in bad relationships because they are too afraid to be on their own. This is just as unhealthy as those who exhibit avoidant behaviour, as both paths lead away from love. By remaining in a negative relationship, you are shying away from meeting someone who could bring you a real sense of joy. Being alone can be a frightening prospect for some, but it is important to remember that not only are you wasting your opportunity to find happiness and love but that you are also withholding this love from a potential future partner. Finding love involves a little bit of faith in yourself, and in potential partners. Fear will only hold you back from achieving a healthy and successful relationship and will keep you backed into your bad relationship. 

Be brave and give yourself a chance to be happy. We all deserve love and we all have the ability to find it, so don’t be frightened to find the success you seek - don’t back out of love.