New year, new love? How to be proactive about creating your perfect relationship

With the presents unwrapped and the mince pies eaten, people’s attention inevitably turns from their Christmas wishes to their new year’s resolutions. Most typically spending more time at the gym and with the family and planning holidays, while cutting down on alcohol and losing weight. Often much further down the list if at all, are resolutions for our relationships; as if merely spending more time with loved ones were enough to improve things, or even worse that this was not an area of our lives to which we could apply our resolve to make our dreams and desires reality.

This stems from people’s deterministic attitudes about love. We tend to think that Mr or Mrs Right will ‘come along’, that we will ‘fall’ in love, and that meeting ‘the one’ is largely down to chance. It may be that because relationships are reciprocal and depend as much on one person as the other, that we feel we are not fully in control (or not responsible for) bringing people into our lives and initiating the relationships we wish to enjoy. By resolving to do what it takes we can effect changes that benefit both ourselves and the people in our lives as well as those we are yet to meet.

The key difference here is taking responsibility and not allowing ideas of fate, destiny, or chance to govern our relationships. This may entail asking ourselves some challenging questions, such as what it is we really want from a partner or how we can be the kind of person that someone else would want - this can be pretty uncomfortable, but ultimately very rewarding. It could also mean doing research about the dating scene, consulting experts in relationships and looking back at the rights and wrongs of previous relationships. Being proactive about the resolution involves establishing what we want and the best possible way to get it and then following through on the results.

This is all the more easy to do if we are honest with ourselves about our requirements. These touch various aspects of our lives and character, including family and work, previous relationships, life goals, physical attraction and values, and so merit considered thought and attention. By clarifying these requirements we build a picture within our subconscious minds so that it is not just more predisposed to recognise it but is actually more likely to seek it out and act in a manner that will attract it. Additionally we are therefore less likely to waste time pursuing relationships that are not in our best interests or in harmony with our beliefs and desires.

So as you write out and review your resolutions this year; while learning a new skill or losing weight are undoubtedly important for your self esteem and happiness, think about the relationships you have or the ones you want and how your resolutions could make 2017 not just a great year for you, but for the other people in your life. Make it a priority, put it at the top of the list and take action to bring about the relationship you would wish for. The more specific you can be about the kind of relationship you want, the stronger the resolve you have to make reality, what for others remains a twist of fate or a game of chance.