You’re in the first stages of a new love. Your heart is racing, palms are sweating, and you’re finding it hard to think about anything other than them. As much as you try to stop them, they run through your mind and tug at your thoughts. Your concentration goes out the window. The deeply buried optimist in you starts to wonder - could this finally be it? Hope - wonderful, terrifying hope starts to build inside of you. Should you let it?
And that’s when the doubt sets in.
Love, to those who have been hurt in the past, is like a war. Imagine a castle, with two fearsome armies laying siege on either side, each trying to break through to the heart locked in the dungeons below. Half of you wants to believe that this could be it – you know theoretically that you are deserving of love, and you know for certain that you have love to give. You know that love is what you want, what you have always wanted, and yet-
Are they right for you? Are you right for them? You pick them apart trying to find reasons not to let them in, and when you are looking, you will always find something. They have an annoying habit that you couldn’t possibly put up with for the rest of your life in wedded matrimony. It’s almost a relief to find something – for it’s far easier to shut someone out than to let someone in. It is easier to wallow in the familiar misery of disappointment than let yourself believe that this person could, maybe, actually make you happy.
Trust is a difficult skill to learn, and an even more difficult one to master. But it starts with making a leap of faith. It requires an intelligence – knowing who is worthy of your faith and who isn’t. You can never know for certain if you don’t try. Maybe they will let you down – or maybe they won’t. And really what’s the worst that could happen? You’ve survived every heartbreak you’ve had so far and come out stronger.
Maybe they aren’t perfect. We can swipe to find the next one, never moving forward, placating ourselves with superficial connections and endless first dates. Convince ourselves that we really are trying, our eyes firmly on the greener grass on the distant other side. We forget that we have to work to build relationships, which are getting harder and harder to build with each day that passes. In a disconnected society constantly exposed to perfection, we see celebrity couples living idealistic lives on screen, look at ourselves and wonder what we’re doing wrong. But nothing is ever perfect. Real love is built on compromise and trust – seeing your partners flaws and accepting them anyway. Imagine how it would feel for someone to love not only your picture-perfect side but all the worst things about you too.
In the end, completely unconditional and trusting love is worth the risk of heartbreak. So, what have you got to lose?