We are increasingly being asked by our matchmaking members to provide life-coaching as an aid to help them achieve their relationship goals. In this, the first in a series of blogs, I define Life-Coaching and focus on how life-coaching starts by facilitating the development of emotional intelligence and self-awareness that helps in the search for a romantic life-long partner and necessary for long term relationship success.
In our search for our ideal partner, there can be a tendency for some of us to either trust in fate, effectively believing ‘what will be will be’ and/or place ourselves in an environment which provides the potential opportunity for meeting Mr or Miss Right, then sitting back and wait for things to happen.
In one of my favourite books, “The Art of Happiness” written by the Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler, Dr Cutler remarks that an important recognition in our adult relationships is the awareness that we should balance our need for connection and intimacy with a significant other, with time where we focus on our own personal development. So instead of searching for someone who meets our needs, we might reflect instead, through the development of self-awareness, about how we can be the type of person that will attract and sustain a meaningful relationship; a life partner.
What is Life –Coaching?
Life coaching is holistic in that it takes into consideration every area of an individuals’ life with specific goal setting strategies focused primarily on areas that the coachee feels unsatisfied with. Life-coaching is distinct from counselling in that it does not focus on the past but is instead focused on the future; facilitating positive change by supporting, encouraging and empowering coachees to discover their own solutions to fulfilling their potential by helping them to develop self-awareness, explore options and set realistic and achievable goals. Ultimately life coaching is transformational in that it enable coachees to overcome obstacles and live a happier and more fulfilling life.
How Life-Coaching can assist in the development with self-awareness.
Life-coaching involves the coachee undertaking a process of personal development which, by definition, involves developing emotional intelligence via increased self-awareness and personal insight. This paying attention objectively to ourselves includes metacognition, or, in other words, thinking about what we are thinking, as well as reflecting on how we are feeling, whom and what we are attracting into our lives, our common patterns of behaviour and our decision making styles. And then, through these reflections, and facilitated by the life coach, we are compelled to make a decision about whether these beliefs and behaviours are in line with our values and who we want to be and how we want our life to be projecting forward. For example, we may discover through personal reflection that our significant relationship interactions, including the way we communicate in relationships, is at odds with how we would really like to behave.
With the help of our life-coach this clarity allows us to understand what we want to achieve and why, and to formulate a plan for achieving our goals, including those that enable us to improve our personal relationships and maximise the opportunity to establish a life-long partner.
Life coaching aims to aid the removal of blocks to self-awareness allowing us to take greater responsibility for our actions and facilitate change aimed to help us achieve our full potential both as individuals and a partners in relationships.