Economic Crisis Boosts the Value of Love
by Rachel MacLynn
Trudy's insightful article 'Forget New Years Resolutions and Set Life Goals for 2009 Instead' outlines the particular need to focus on new life goals, other than career and wealth, in the forthcoming year. The recession is taking the wind out of the sails of successful people and a change in psyche is occurring. Attention is being diverted from work and wealth towards something that has become much more valuable: love and a solid relationship.
As the recession deepens, love is becoming a precious commodity because it ultimately brings the same rewards as achieving career success - happiness, high self-esteem, social status, etc. - but it is incredibly difficult to find. So, business savvy men and women are starting to invest in finding love and a relationship using the same energy, creativity and passion that led to their career success. I believe that this pragmatic approach to finding a partner, and building a relationship, will help people to sustain a sense of control and empowerment during the recession. The emotional rewards are ultimately much more valuable than those any job could bring.
Seeking a partner is an investment and matching process, using many of the same principles we apply to other major life decisions, such as finding the right job, or the right home. When seeking a partner, we subconsciously rate ourselves on desirability factors such as physical attractiveness, intellect, social status, wealth, youthfulness, health, etc. We then place a value on ourselves and invest in the most desirable match we can 'afford'. If we have a high level of self-awareness and high self-esteem, then we are more likely to rate ourselves accurately and therefore have a realistic view of true compatibility. So, for example, a tall, handsome, gregarious, sporty, successful entrepreneur, late 30s, who has a close relationship with his parents and siblings (and let's say has also set up a charity for good measure), would most likely be deemed as high calibre. If he rates himself highly and is seeking a life partner, then he will naturally seek a partner of equal overall value to how he rates himself. He's likely to seek a beautiful, feminine, active, positive, intelligent lady, who shares similar values and attitudes to his own.
Interesting dynamics occur, however, when someone is rated very high on some desirability factors but low on others and this leads to 'trade-offs' which we have all observed: probably the most classic example is Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall II. Let's face it, he wasn't after her brains or wealth, but instead 'traded in' his desirability for being incredibly wealthy to satisfy his own desire to have a beautiful and young partner. This is fine if everyone is aware of the costs and rewards, but wealthy people need to be careful about attracting 'gold-diggers' - if they find themselves with a partner who is obviously rated much higher on all desirability areas except wealth, then, there is a risk that the person may in fact be only after their money.
Once a partnership of true equals has been found, the next stage is investing in the relationship. Psychologists have recognised the parallel between economics and relationships: relationships work on an exchange of costs and benefits, similar to the marketplace. A relationship will be successful if both partners perceive that the rewards, costs and contributions to the relationship are equal on both sides. 'Love is often nothing but a favourable exchange between two people who get the most of what they can expect, considering their value on the personality market.' Erich Fromm, 1955.
However, problems occur when people take the application of business principles to finding a partner too far - and expect to invest a minimal amount for the maximum return. Relationships, unfortunately, don't work like that - you can only gain as much as you put in (there is no such thing as a bargain!). So, people who have high levels of self-awareness are more likely to assess the balance of investment and reward from both sides of the relationship and maintain equilibrium.
During the current turbulent financial times the same emotional rewards reaped from being successful in business and building personal wealth can also be gained from relationships. If relationships are approached intelligently and with the same passion, creativity, spontaneity, time and effort that makes us all successful in business, then the rewards on both sides will be great: leading to high self-esteem, a sense of control, empowerment, and ultimate happiness!
Rachel MacLynn is a Psychologist and Relationship Expert